Sunday, November 21, 2010

And go...where?

My week-long hiatus is quickly coming to an end. For those of you who do not know, I took a sudden trip home to New England this week for a little R&R, face time with the family, and clean, non-pluff-mud air. My fears of being put on house arrest have ceased, and I am actually taking the time to sit and write, read, and veg. I apologize for not letting peeps know that I was returning to the area. Please do not be offended, but this trip was purely made with selfish intentions and I needed some strict isolation and physical space. Don't worry, I will be returning again in December, and I am making this a public announcement.

Upon returning home after being away for several months has given me great insight into living independently yet still feeling so dependent on what I still have more than 1,000 miles away from my new quarters. I have left the farm for the city, the cold for the warmth, (yet the humidity won't ever leave me), the parka for the bikini, the beef stew for the fish tacos, the blood relations for the self-created friendships. I don't like to say that I have left anything behind, but that I have gained new parts in my life by living in a completely different part of the country.

Let's break this down. Since I have been a "damn yankee" working among southerners who are still upset about "The War of Northern Aggression," I have had great time to recognize the things that I miss most from home. Some may be petty, but these minute things are often of the most importance to me. I am not going to waste mine, or your, time in writing and reading all of these things. My list is probably quite similar to others, so you can imagine.

Many things in my life are trying to fit in one way or another. I am waiting on decisions made by others, waiting on myself to finalize decisions, waiting on airplanes, waiting in lines, waiting on the narrator in my book to get over herself, waiting, waiting, waiting. This is all part of life, and, to be perfectly honest, I am incredibly impatient. I need to stop looking at each section of my life as a "means to an end" and simply take full grasp of all that I am involved in. This requires me to stop being scared of everything, as my father said..."Carrie, you can't be scared of everything that comes into your life." Instead of lamenting about my to-do list, I should just do it. I am excellent at several things in life including: hyping things up to no end, worrying so much it can make both you and me physically sick, buying too many things for myself, braiding my hair, and criticizing grammatical errors (this last one is probably one of my most favorite things that I am excellent at).

Lately I have been doing some reading on what a small being I am in this earth. I am but a muscle spasm in the largest imaginable or unimaginable thing. Have you ever driven down the road and actually seen the faces of others driving by? You have no idea who they are, where they are going, or even what their hair color is. We all have issues, but these will be of no great significance in a very short amount of time. I am speaking very generally, but rest assured. We are so focused on our own selves that we cannot even begin to relate to others. We need to let go a little bit, let God if you'd like or allow, and breathe a little easier.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

3 comments:

Martha said...

I so luv you.....you are back

Martha said...

I luv you so....luv your blog

Christi said...

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. Being away does get easier it really does; however Maine will always be home!